I'm fantastic at blogging, it's only been a year since my last post...
Anyways, let me tell you about my night. Emmett has been horrible at going to bed early, so tonight I decided that we're done with that. I had him asleep and in his crib before 10.
I like to tell people I have the perfect baby because he hardly ever cries...he proved me wrong at 2 this morning. Not only did he do the screech like an eagle, but when I finally got him calmed down he just kept kicking and fussing. Since Ashton gets up at 4:30 for work, I'm feeling horrible that Emmett is so loud, but when he is finally quiet, I hear Ashton say, "I'll pull over there and you open the gate".......he can sleep through anything..
Needless to say, it is now 4 and I'm sitting on the couch cradling a baby who doesn't want to wake up, but won't stop squirming to go to sleep either. As I was sitting here staring at this beautiful body that I made (mothers are weird like that) I was thinking about how grateful I am for this little human. It took Ashton and I a year to get pregnant, and each month I would get my hopes up only to be crushed when the answer was no. I never thought we'd have fertility problems, and it broke my heart to think we might not have kids. When I finally did get a positive test, I miscarried within the week, but not before I had this big "surprise we're pregnant" announcement to Ashton. I was so upset that girls who are single, not ready to be moms and don't even want kids could get pregnant, and I had to face heartbreak each month. I was just bitter I guess.
 However, the next month I got another positive test and this time the answer was (finally) yes!
Let's be honest, pregnancy sucks. I mean, I didn't realize it at the time because I was so grateful to be pregnant and it was a gradual change into feeling like crap. I didn't realize how much pregnancy is not fun and uncomfortable until I wasn't anymore. It was so nice to be able to run again (or move around, period) and be able to breath while sitting in a car again!
Then Emmett was born and I didn't know how to be a mom(not that I have it figures out yet), and they just let me walk out of the hospital with him! Talk about sink or swim!

 I have gotten beyond frustrated with myself and sometimes him that I don't know how to fix whatever is wrong (or panicked because there is a rash! Or "does he feel hot to you?" Or checking on him every hour to make sure my baby hasn't died from SIDS) but above everything else I just look with amazement at this life Heavenly Father blessed me with and that I was able to create. For a while, I walked around with this weight on my shoulders that made me bitter and sad, but I get to look at this beautiful baby (yes, I'm one of that moms who thinks everything about my kid is adorable) and remember that he is exactly what I asked for, and almost not being able to have him makes sleepless nights with a screaming baby wonderful, because it beats sleepless nights wishing I had him.
Okay story time over, he finally went back to sleep, and I'm getting good at this whole "sleep when they do" thing so I wouldn't want to ruin that now. Sorry if this is obnoxious to any one who is struggling with fertility problems!